Episode 1: Rooftop at Sunset and Swallowed Breath (UNSPOKEN WORDS)

During the last hour of the day when the sun touched the horizon, the world would be bathed in the most cruelly dazzling colors. Han Su-ah's fingertips were turning white as she held on to the rusty iron pipe on the rooftop railing. The wind of sunset blew strong, tousling her long, dark black hair, and the collar of her school uniform shirt fluttered and coldly brushed the nape of her neck. The small silver pendant necklace around her neck reflected the light of the setting sun and shattered into orange and magenta. The cityscape unfolding beneath my feet was distant and exquisite, like a transparent watercolor painting.

The windows of the apartment complex lined up together shone like golden mirrors, reflecting the burning sunset, and on the overpass dividing them, the trails of red and orange car headlights stretched out like the blood vessels of the city. In the distance, the subway Line 1 train was gliding over the Han River railway bridge, making a rattling sound. Su-ah took a deep breath. The cold, dry, late autumn air rushed deep into my lungs, prickling my chest with a chill. I pursed my lips. Thousands of words were swirling in her dark brown eyes.

Kang Min-woo, a long-time childhood friend and a boy who always stayed by his side like a shadow. The only sincerity I wanted to convey to him welled up to the tip of my tongue, but my throat was frozen as if I had swallowed a stone. “……Minwoo.” Even saying the three letters of that name was difficult. The fear that the moment I utter a sound, the safe breakwater of 'friends' I've built over the past 10 years will collapse at once. What if my confession makes that child take a step back? What if the laughter we walked to school with froze into awkward silence?

Suah ended up biting her lower lip tightly. A thin stream of white breath escaped between the lips and scattered helplessly into the sunset light. A chat window with Minwoo's name written on the screen of the blue smartphone in his hand was lit, but the cursor in the input window was only repeating cold blinks. The unsaid words were like stones falling into a deep canyon in my heart, sinking to the bottom of dark silence where no one could hear. The urethane paint on the rooftop was peeling off in some places after being exposed to wind and rain for a long time, and unknown weeds growing in the cracks were shaking in the sunset wind.

Su-ah leaned her forehead against the railing. The cold feel of painted metal cooled the heat on my forehead, but the anxiety burning in my chest did not subside one bit. Minwoo and her had been childhood friends since they were seven years old, growing up in the same apartment complex and building. In the summer, we splashed in the playground fountain, and in the winter, we sat side by side on a snow-covered bench and split the convenience store bungeoppang in half and shared it. At that time, Minwoo was a small boy who always had scratched knees and a mischievous smile. However, as he entered high school, Minwoo's height quickly grew to 178 centimeters, and his shoulders widened to the point where his baggy school uniform shirt was tight.

One spring day, when his voice changed to a deep, deep voice, Su-ah realized. The fact that I could no longer look at him as just a friendly neighborhood friend. A side view of Minwoo wiping away his sweaty bangs while playing basketball on the playground during gym class. Every time we bump into each other in the hallway, he playfully ruffles Su-ah's hair and says, "Hey, Han Su-ah! Why do you look so small today?" Those eyes that grinned. At every little moment, Sua's heart raced uncontrollably.

“If I could go back to my childhood when I didn’t know anything...” Su-ah muttered softly. The sunset was now deepening into a gradation of blazing purple and crimson at the edge of the western sky. The red tail lights of the train passing over the railroad bridge were sucked into the darkness, leaving a long afterimage. The sky is so vast and infinitely wide, so why does it seem like there is no space anywhere in the world where one can pour out one's heart? She fiddled with a small silver pendant in her uniform pocket. On the day of my middle school graduation, it was a small necklace that Minwoo gave me with an embarrassed expression, saying, “You can’t pretend not to know me even when you go to high school.”

At this moment, the cold metal pendant of the necklace was stabbing the center of Su-ah’s chest most painfully. City Hall's evening chime, signaling 5 p.m., echoed faintly across the city's alleys and rooftops. Doremifa- Miredo-. When I was young, I had a clear memory of playing in the dirt at the playground, and when that melody sounded, I would hold hands with Minwoo and run home, remembering the smell of my mother's cooking.

“Soo-ya, run quickly! If you’re late, your mom will scold you!” The dirt-stained cheeks and dazzling smile of little Minwoo, who was running ahead and looking back. The melody in that memory was still resonating in the sunset of the city even after 10 years, but Suah's heart listening to the song was not as clear and light as before. Time has changed many things in a cruel way. As they grew taller, became aware of the complexities of the world, and learned how to hide their own emotions while looking at what others thought, the pure transparency that supported them between them became trapped in an unknown fog.

Su-a grabbed the handle of the iron door of the rooftop entrance. The feeling of cold metal penetrated my palm. When she opened the door and went down the stairs, she had to put on the normal, brave ‘Childhood Friend Han Su-ah’ mask over her face again. When we run into each other in the hallway, we casually say, "Hey, Kang Min-woo! Have you finished your homework?" I had to talk to him calmly, and I had to just watch him calmly from afar as he laughed and talked with other friends. But those words she swallowed while looking at the sunset from the rooftop railing—“I like you”—had already taken deep roots deep in her soul.

A confession like a lump of charcoal that the more you swallow it, the more it goes down your throat and burns your heart. Before opening the door, Su-a looked back at the burning red sky beyond the rooftop. The city was sinking into darkness with tens of thousands of lights on, and her silence was becoming a piece of the enormous darkness and being quietly buried. The wind blowing through the wire mesh fence on the rooftop had a chill that signaled the end of the season. The city seen through the diamond-shaped mesh of the wire mesh was elaborate yet distant, like a small model box.

Sua grabbed the fence with both hands. The pressure of cold galvanized wire digging into my palm. When I was young, this high rooftop felt huge, like the end of the world, but now it felt like a prison, trapped in a narrow, square rooftop, unable to jump or fly.

“Why has the word ‘friend’ become such a cruel prison?” She muttered quietly. The name "friend" was a permanent pass that allowed me to always stay by his side, but it was also an absolute no-go zone that prevented me from holding his hand or being held in his arms. The fear that if I take one step closer, I might become completely out of sync with him. That fear has been keeping Su-ah's lips in a tight lock for the past two years. The sky was now darkening from purple to deep royal blue, and the blue lights of Namsan Tower in the distance were turning on, heralding night in Seoul.

The neon signs on the buildings were blinking one by one, trying to drive out the darkness, but the darkness in Sua's heart could not be illuminated by any artificial light. Sua wiped the bridge of her cold nose with the sleeve of her school uniform shirt. Every time I took a breath, the inside of my throat tingled like a needle. The confessions she had swallowed piled up in her lungs, turning into heavy rocks, and she was as precarious as a young tree that was tottering because she could not support its weight. With every step she took towards the rooftop stairs, a long shadow followed her closely.

While closing the rooftop iron door and going down the dark emergency stairs, the sound of Su-ah's footsteps resonated heavily through the cement wall. Every time I turned a corner of the stairs, the fluorescent green emergency exit light indicating the stairs turned on, providing a faint path in the darkness. As I went down to the first floor entrance lobby, the security guard on duty approached me, jingling a bundle of keys.

“Soo-ya, haven’t you gone yet, have you been on the rooftop? It’s cold, so go in quickly. I’m catching a cold.” “Yes, mister. Good luck.” Su-a bowed her head in greeting and walked out the front door of the school. The cold night wind blew in front of me, violently shaking the hem of my school uniform skirt. While crossing the darkened campus, her eyes turned to the bicycle rack located in the corner of the playground. Only a few bicycles were tied to the rusty pipe stand, and the blue mountain bike that Minwoo always rode was nowhere to be seen.

He must have already returned home from school a long time ago, or headed to the downtown area to hang out with other friends. Looking at the empty bicycle rack, Su-ah felt a sense of emptiness in her heart. If it were like before, "Hey, Hansoo! Get in the back!" A boy who would have handed over his bicycle carrier while blowing away rough dust. As I ran, holding on to his waist carefully, the warmth of his back and the sound of his laughter spread through the wind. All those familiar scenes were now distant like a mirage that could not be grasped.

Sua walked out of the school gate, clutching the strap of her bag tightly. Behind her as she went down the dark hill lined with streetlights, only the huge school building stood like a silent giant, watching her lonely back. As I left the school and went down the hill, I saw an old railroad crossing where the Gyeongchun Line train passes. Dang-dang-dang-dang-! When Su-ah reached the crossing, the red warning light flashed and the striped bar slowly lowered. A cool wind mixed with the smell of metal blew over Su-ah’s cheek as she stopped in front of the blocking pole.

A moment later, with a loud noise, an electric train began to cross in front of me at breakneck speed. Kugugugoong- boom- boom-! The tired faces of countless people and the fluorescent lights in the car alternately shone through the car windows passing by quickly, drawing intense stripes of light and dark on Su-ah's face. When I was young, I remembered standing in front of this crossing with Minwoo and counting the number of trains passing by.

“One, two, three… twelve! It’s a twelve-car express!” The young Minwoo was cheering while holding the top of his head with both hands, fearing that his hat would be blown away by the strong gusts of wind as the train passed by. At that time, the train was a symbol of the couple's dream of leaving for an unknown world. However, the train passing before my eyes was nothing more than a huge piece of metal running blindly on a cold track that had already been set.

'Am I just like that train, circling on a set track?' A track laid in the name of friend. Because of the fear that if I deviate from that track, I might derail and be destroyed, I have lived without ever turning the steering wheel of my heart. Finally, the last compartment of the train was out of sight, and the blocking rod rose again with a screeching sound. The neighborhood alleys extending beyond the railroad tracks were already immersed in dark blue darkness. Su-ah crossed the tracks one step. The moment I stepped on the cold steel rail, the slight vibration transmitted through the soles of my feet reached my heart.

She desperately needed the courage to go off track, the true courage to break the silence. From the pedestrian overpass that appeared after the railroad crossing, you could see at a glance the huge line of vehicles on Gangbyeonbuk-ro that passes through the entire city. Su-a stood leaning against the railing of the overpass and stared blankly at the red tail lights of the cars speeding down. The wind and engine noise from the vehicles were causing the floor of the overpass to slightly vibrate. The vibration felt like the heavy sigh of an entire huge city breathing and breathing.

Suddenly, a memory of the spring day of my first year of high school came to mind. It was a day when the two of us skipped our night self-study and ran away onto this overpass to eat cup ramen from a convenience store. With the white ramen steam blowing away in the night wind, Minwoo leaned on the railing of the overpass and shouted to the cars driving below.

“Hey! When I grow up, I’ll buy a really cool car and drive you around all the time! Think about where you want to go in advance!” The sparkling eyes of a boy who smiled confidently. At that time, Su-ah couldn't answer anything and just swallowed the ramen soup, her heart pounding as if it was going to explode.

'It doesn't matter which car you drive. If I could just sit next to you... … .' Even now, two years later, the spring night of that day when those words could not be conveyed was still engraved like a cool fire mark on the railing of the overpass. The city lights were becoming more and more colorful, but within the sea of ​​light, Su-ah's silence was sinking deeper and deeper. She smoothed the cold bolts of the railing with her fingertips. Will there come a day when this sincerity can burst out like cars driving under an overpass and reach that child?

The cold night wind blew her hair, shaking the echo in her heart and waking her up once again. Old ginkgo trees were lined up on the road leading down from the pedestrian overpass to the entrance of the apartment complex. Every time the bright yellow leaves, illuminated by streetlights, swayed in the wind, it seemed like golden waves were rippling. Su-ah walked slowly, stepping on the ginkgo leaves piled up under her feet. The memory kept going back in time to the morning of the high school entrance ceremony. There was a knock on the front door of Su-ah's house, where she was adjusting her clothes in front of the mirror several times because she felt awkward in her new school uniform.

Bang bang bang! “Hansoo! Come out quickly! If you are late from the first day, you will be judged for all three years of high school!” When I opened the door, Minwoo, who had grown taller, was standing in the doorway wearing a stiff new school uniform jacket. Hair combed back awkwardly and cheeks slightly flushed. The moment she faced the boy, Su-ah felt like her breath had stopped. The shock of that moment when I stood before my eyes no longer as a nosy neighborhood kid, but as a full-fledged schoolboy who made my heart beat.

“Hey, what are you staring at? Am I cool?” Minwoo smiled mischievously, took Sua's bag, put it on his shoulder, and walked ahead with the broad back of Minwoo. The sunlight on the walk to school we walked together that morning was so bright that it stung our eyes. That brilliance has dominated all of Sua’s seasons so far. However, the unsaid feelings piled up like grains of sand sinking to the bottom of a river, and have now become a huge dam blocking the gap between the two. Su-ah put her hand on her chest. My heart was beating irregularly through my school uniform blouse.

The swallowed words never disappeared, seeping into her bones and flesh, burning into a hot fever that woke her every night. When the automatic door of Building 101's entrance opened and I entered the lobby, the warm and heavy air unique to the apartment enveloped my entire body. I pressed the elevator button and stood in front of the stainless steel doors that shined like mirrors. Your own face reflected on the surface of the door. Pale cheeks, red bloodshot eyes, and straight black hair tangled in the wind. The sight was dangerous and sad, like a young bird enduring a storm alone.

Ding-dong-. The elevator arrived at the first floor and the doors opened softly. Su-ah looked straight at herself in the mirror and adjusted her collar. I promised myself I wouldn't cry anymore and I wouldn't hide anymore. The silver pendant reflected in the mirror was shining small and solid under the fluorescent light. The pendant was not a shackle of the past, but an anchor of the most precious courage to move forward. As the number on the floor indicator went up one by one, Suah's heartbeat also regained its calm stability. The countless words she had swallowed on the sunset-colored rooftop were now shining as the hardest diamonds in her soul.

As I lay in bed and looked out the window, thousands of stars were quietly appearing in the dark sky. Although they are faint and obscured by the city lights, the stars have been shining steadily in place for hundreds of millions of years. Su-ah placed her hand on the window frame and quietly whispered.

“The swallowed breath did not disappear. It curled up for a moment to become a bigger light within me.” The extreme fear and loneliness I felt on the sunset-colored rooftop railing. It was not simply a weak escape, but a precious rite of passage to realize how big and heavy one's true feelings were. Now she decided to no longer be ashamed or afraid of her emotions. UNSPOKEN WORDS were waiting for the day to one day become the most beautiful notes and reverberate through the world. A faint smile spread across Suah’s lips.

The starlight in the night sky flickered gently, leaving a brilliant afterimage in her clear eyes. The morning sunlight was brightly awakening the world, gently erasing all the shadows of the night. Su-ah walked out the front door of the apartment and took a deep breath of the cold morning air. The clear oxygen seeping deep into my lungs contained a vitality that was completely different from the dry air I had breathed in from the rooftop railing last night. The breath I took yesterday on the sunset-colored rooftop was by no means a vain silence. The time of immersion that one had to go through in order to fully gaze into one's mind and confirm its depth.

Now she won't look back anymore. The morning sunlight pouring over the hill on the way to school warmly wrapped around the shoulders of her school uniform. There was a lively rhythm with each step, and the silver pendant around the neck caught the sunlight, scattering a brilliant rainbow-colored spectrum into the air. The view of Seoul from the top of the hill on the way to school took on a majestic silver color in the morning fog. The sun rose above the foot of Bukhansan Mountain in the distance, spewing out red sunlight and turning the city's buildings golden. The terrible sense of isolation I felt yesterday on the sunset-colored rooftop railing has now disappeared without a trace.

UNSPOKEN WORDS were never evidence of cowardice. It was the purest and deepest weight of patience that a young heart had to bear in order to be considerate of others and protect precious relationships. Instead of holding the railing, Su-ah tightly held the strap of her school bag with both hands. The hot courage welling up in my chest spread through the blood vessels of my entire body. Now she was no longer a prisoner trapped in the canyon of silence. He was a free spirit ready to confidently shout out to the world and the boy he loved with his own voice.

The morning breeze blew her straight black hair pleasantly, and Su-ah smiled softly at the brightly clear sky. The memory of the sunset spreading over the rooftop railing had now become a huge lighthouse in Su-ah's heart. All the hesitation and swallowed breath were not in vain. It was the deepest exploration of one's own heart, and it was the soul's tuition that one had to pay in order to convey one's sincerity. Sua walked towards the campus, soaking up the morning sunlight. The force exerted by each step was completely different from yesterday.

I no longer walked with my head down and looking at the ground. Looking straight up at the blue sky, he was welcoming all the wind and noise passing by with his whole body. The season of UNSPOKEN WORDS is now over. The warmest and most brilliant spring breeze heralding the new season rested at the tip of her lips. The morning noises of the city slowly became more lively and spread out. Lively cheers rang out in the school playground as children who came to school early kicked the ball, and the traffic lights on the crosswalk in front of the school gate greeted the students with regular beeps.

Su-ah stepped inside the school gate and opened her chest wide. The countless words she had swallowed yesterday on the sunset-colored rooftop had now become the hardest and most transparent stepping stones in her soul. Silence was not defeat. It was a sublime pause, taking a deep breath from the depths of one's heart to express one's true voice. Sua confidently walked towards the classroom without hesitation. Standing in front of the classroom door, Su-ah paused for a moment and gently gripped the door handle. The warmth of the new season seemed to seep through the cold metal.

The countless words she had swallowed yesterday under the glow of the sunset had now become the strongest framework of love in her soul. Su-ah smiled quietly and opened the door. The dazzling sunlight was completely illuminating her path ahead. The smell of autumn dirt carried by the wind passed my nose. The breath I had swallowed had now become the most beautiful song of confession in the world, resounding brilliantly across the high sky. The dazzling morning sunlight was completely blessing her path ahead. The overwhelming warmth welling up in my heart was becoming an eternal lamp that would brighten all the seasons to come.

It was another dazzling morning that I will never forget. A new season was starting brilliantly. It was truly a beautiful day.